The Daily Think: Purpose

This is what inspired the daily think, for however long it lasts.

Sure, it’s seemingly simplistic southern California new age nonsense. But, there is also something to be said for going with whatever comes up in the moment, no matter how ridiculous it seems.

For me, as has always been the case, what came up in the moment of watching this video – what moves me and makes me me – isn’t anything that translates into a clear vocation. I’m envious of people who have a clear calling, one type of job that is superbly suited to them above all others, whether they are artists or accountants or at-home parents or doctors. They have a direction I lack. All I can do is be grateful for the mixed blessing of many, many options, of many, many things that I am sort of good at, or can at least fake.

At eighteen I fretted terribly about which direction my life should take, as if it were some binary and I had to choose the one right thing or suffer the consequences. I made a lot of binary choices: this school or that school, this guy or that guy, this job or that job. Twenty-one years later the worst thing happened! I still don’t know what to do! I’m rolling up on forty with no idea what I want to be when I grow up. Three college majors, a handful of professional certificates, and a masters degree, and I’m still just as stumped as I was when I was eighteen.

Yet, despite having no clear path or direction, I’ve gotten up every day, been through the usual bumps and bruises of life, and still have a roof over my head and people I like around me. Life happened anyway, every moment that I was worrying about whether I was doing it right. Somehow I’m better off than I was.

Having some big conclusion about my life’s purpose as I write this would be neat, but as far I can tell, this is it as far as purpose goes for now. Just getting the thoughts down and being some good company for other people in similar circumstances.